
Fast Facts
- Named for: Geirr or jarl, Spear or Earl’s island (-ey)
- Capital (and only town): St. Helier
- Long/Lat: 49.1 N/2.6 W (just inside Greenwich Mean), 8000 mi 10 hrs East of Castro Valley
- Population: 103,000, 1.5 CVs
- Size: 46 sq mi, 3 CVs (just my size)
- Avg temp in April: 57 F/16 F
- Median household income: $55,000 (island=expensive)
- Ethnicity: 44% Jersey/31% British/9% Portuguese/3% Polish
- Main industries: Offshore finance, tourism (season), some cows
Jersey is not a country–boot it out of the list! Not so fast, though. My other options of Jamaica, Japan, and Jordan are all too big and too well known. So let’s take Jersey on, fully acknowledging that this thing is not like the others. It will have to do now and later, for X, anyway.

Jersey is a self-governing island in the English Channel, owned by the British Crown but not part of the UK. Its citizens are British citizens, but not UK citizens. The nearby island of Guernsey (made famous in that book Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society which is a romance involving Nazis) carries the same status. Been to Guernsey–beautiful place! Haven’t been to Jersey. I mean, it’s cheating, but Jersey might look like Guernsey…

The Jersey folks have their own language: Jèrriais. Jèrriais has its own grammar, language, and vocabulary, despite it being similar to French. There’s also slang for someone from Jersey, calling them crapaud, which is both French and Jèrriais for toad. But the Jersey people think it’s fine. Bring it on! It’s a positive way to accept a negative term (like queer) because even if the Brits called the French both frogs and/or toads, the Jersey-folk said yup! We’ll take it! Because toads, as amphibians, are flexible and eco-warriors, natural protectors of guardians! They put a giant statue of it in the main town square!

Naturally, the island being located between Britain and France has created some friction and territorial disputes. It was settled by Vikings and Normans, i.e. people further north and people further south. It’s windswept and small, so whoever is going to live there has to be hardy.
The Jèrriais say they don’t want to be their own country. They have a thriving economy and a strong GDP. They don’t want to create their own army. They can be a vessel for Britain’s hopes and dreams–offshore banking, too! As someone who lives in an unincorporated territory, which has voted several times not to self-police or self-legislate, I get it!
However, Jersey not only belongs to Britain, but it has a proud British history. The islanders sided with the royals during the British Civil War and aided Charles II against Cromwell. Jersey was the first place to claim Charles II as king, after his father was executed in 1649. After the crown’s restoration, James II gave substantial land in their new colonies across the pond to other throne loyalists. In recognition of the island’s support, they called it New Jersey.
I have no doubt that there are picturesque parts of New Jersey, but somehow I’m thinking that, on the whole, I’d rather visit Jersey. Even if it’s not a country.

Dang it! I was hoping for Jamaica.