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M is for Malta

Malta, the two tiny islands south of Sicily and west of Tunis. Graphic by Nuclear Vacuum.

What is it?
The stuff that dreams are made of…

Sam Spade, describing the Maltese falcon in “The Maltese Falcon”

Fast Facts

  • Named for: Greek meli (μέλη) for honeyed. There are native bees.
  • Capital: Valletta
  • Long/Lat: 35.5 N/14.3 E , 6700 mi East/11 hours East of CV. Nearly directly south of Liechtenstein.
  • Population: 520,000, or 9x Castro Valleys
  • Size: 122 sq mi, 8x CV. The population density and size of about 10 CVs.
  • Avg temp in April: 62 F/16 C (CV-like)
  • Median household income: $60,000, also high on a world standard
  • Ethnicity: 78% Maltese, meaning a mix of Italian, Spanish, Arab, French etc.
  • Main industries: Tourism, banking. In theory, limestone, but not too much.

Unlike Liechtenstein from yesterday, Malta is a tiny dot of great strategic importance. It’s in the Mediterranean, just south of Sicily and Italy but just East of Tunis and North Africa. Tunis was the springboard for the Phoenicians, who advanced sailing and the alphabet, but they were more traders than conquerors. The Romans took over in their turn, as did Hannibal and the Carthaginians. The Goths and Visigoths came through, followed by Islam sweeping across southern Europe and northern Africa. And that’s just the first half of their story of civilization.

Aleccio, Matteo Perez d’; The Siege of Malta: Attack on the Post of the Castilian Knights, 21 August 1565; National Maritime Museum.

It was a place of launching dreams of conquest or re-conquest. When the Crusaders made their move to “take back” land, they pushed from Europe south, establishing footholds in the Mediterranean from Venice and the Riviera to islands like Malta and Cyprus going down to Jerusalem. There were multiple waves of Crusades in the Middle Ages, and, at some point, a group of Benedictine monks built a hospital to minister to the wounded and sick Christian Crusaders. This was the Order of the Knights Hospitallers, affiliated with St. John. Their surcoat with the white cross against the red background is the inverse to the Knight’s Templar, but both captured the idea of a monastic order, beginning from ministering to the sick and needy, yet grounded in a military base.

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L is for Liechtenstein

Fast Facts

  • Named for: “Light stone” Liechtenstein Castle in Southern Austria
  • Capital: Vaduz
  • Long/Lat: 47.1 N/9.3 E, 6000 miles or 11 hours East of Castro Valley
  • Population: 41,232 or 0.8 CVs
  • Size: 62 sq mi, 4 CVs
  • Avg temp in April: 54F/12 C mountains!
  • Median household income: ~$150,000
  • Ethnicity: 67% Liechtensteiners, 9% Swiss, 7% German (pasty white people)
  • Main industries: Precision manufacturing (e.g. dental equipment), financial services (low taxes)

We move from islands to mountains: Central Europe, on the other side of the world from Kiribati, literally and metaphorically. Liechtenstein is one of only two double land-locked countries, which is a thing because humans now must have special statistics for everything. Double land-locked means that it’s land-locked between two other land-locked countries, in this case between Switzerland and Austria. If they could carve out a country within Liechtenstein’s borders, that would be land-locked cubed.

Liechtenstein’s nickname is “The Principality,” which isn’t much shorter, so I’ll just have to learn to spell it. Liechtenstein means “light stone,” and it was what Hugo von Petronell called the castle he built after receiving a fief from the Babenburg margraves. Translating that medieval-speak, it means he did something good for the honchos who ran Austria in the 13th century. But here’s the rub: Liechtenstein Castle is in Austria. Was then, still is now.

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K is for Kiribati

Kiribati is a group of multiple island clusters: Gilbert, Phoenix, and Line Islands (Adobe stock photo)

Fast Facts

  • Named for: Gilbert Islands (Thomas Gilbert) and Christmas Island (named by Cook)
  • Capital: Tarawa (upper left)
  • Long/Lat: 1.3 N/173.2 E, 4800 miles & 14 hours west of Castro Valley, though there is no direct route. You can fly through Honolulu.
  • Population: 116,000 or 2x Castro Valleys
  • Size: 313 sq mi, or only 18 Castro Valleys (not counting the water)
  • Avg temp in April: 87 F/31 C
  • Median household income: $4,400 annual
  • Ethnicity: Gilbertese (from Kiribati), but ancestors were Melanesian, Micronesian & Polynesian
  • Main industries: Fish, phosphate, tourism

The Kiribati Islands are the indigenous people’s way to pronounce “Gilbert,” as these were originally called the Gilbert Islands after Thomas Gilbert in 1788. Gilbert worked for the British East India Company, and the Brits were all over, colonizing “New South Wales” (Australia) and scooping up as many islands as they could claim. Look! that one looks like a Phoenix. Let’s call it Phoenix Islands. Look! it’s Christmas day, so we’ll call that one Christmas Island. How about Gilbert for these and Ellice for those?

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